Not good for your 'Elf
by quickstever
Summary: First ever fic, Azog/Tauriel. This was a joke between me and a friend which I'm now writing, mostly as practice.
1. Chapter 1 - Knife to meet you

**AN: Any italicized words are translated from the characters native tongue, so an orc would be speaking orkish, and elf would be speaking elvish, etc.**

 **Also I kind of change the whole ending of the film, but I'm trying to remain (mostly) true to established lore.**

 **Reviews are very much appreciated, this is my first story and any tips or constructive criticism is really useful to me.**

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 **Chapter 1 – Knife to meet you.**

After 142 years, Oakenshield is finally dead, by my hand, but at great cost. I had him pinned to the ice, my blade to his throat, ready to gut him, but he slid his blade into my stomach, wounding me gravely.

He attempted to roll us, so he could finish me off, I had enough strength left to prevent it and cut his head off using my blade.

I climb to my feet and slowly remove the blade from my gut, the pain is nothing, and the scar will be impressive.

I look down at his corpse, a smirk crosses my face.

I spit on his corpse.

I stoop down to grab his corpse, when a voice shouts from behind me.

"Turn around you foul creature"

I turn around slowly, before me is the she-elf, the one who risked her life for Oakenshield and his scum, she has an arrow trained right at me, there is no way I'd survive if she fired.

" _The battle is lost she-elf, Oakenshield has fallen"_ I reply.

"I do not speak your black-tongue, beast" Her bow remains fixed on me, but I can see from her eyes that she has wept.

This is good news, if I taunt her, she may get sloppy, lower the bow for a second, anything to give me an advantage.

"What is wrong Kalus*? Did your Vok** die?"

This visibly shakes her, her aim begins to wobble, even if she doesn't understand the black speech, she understands it enough for my words to hurt her.

She is distracted for a split second, I rush her, taking her by surprise and throwing her backwards across the ice.

She quickly regains her composure and rolls through, drawing her sword.

She leaps forward, anger and hatred in her eyes.

I quickly raise my blade, blocking her initial strike, she attacks furiously, raining blows down on me, and it takes everything I have left to not get hit.

I stagger backwards as she attacks, she presses her advantage, forcing me backwards.

She continues her attack, forcing me back further, though I have a huge size advantage, my injuries and her anger give her an unusual strength.

I keep retreating, she can't keep this pace up for long.

As she keeps raining down blows, I keep blocking her strikes, waiting for her to slip up.

Then, an opportunity, she slows up for a second, so I strike, kicking her away from me.

She staggers backwards, I lunge forward again, throwing her backwards.

She rolls through again, stopping on one knee, but she doesn't stand up, she just stops and looks down to the floor.

This puzzles me, why would a warrior just stop, give up, is it a trap? A ruse to make me lower my guard?

I slowly advance towards her, my blade kept just in front of me, as I move she doesn't even look up, she just stares at the floor.

I place my blade on the back of her neck, ready to execute her.

"Finish it, I… I can't…" Her words trail off.

Her anger seems to have subsided, only to be replaced with sadness.

I hesitate, I don't know what's happening to me.

I've killed hundreds of elves, why is this one any different?

" _What sorcery is this?!_ " I shout, taking a step back.

The she-elf looks up at me, tears streaming down her face.

"FINISH ME!" She screams up at me.

I stand there in a daze, staring straight at this elf, unable to harm her.

There is something about her, I can't explain it, but I can't bring myself to harm her.

I'm brought to my senses by one of my commanders shouting at me from behind.

 _"Sir, the battle is lost! The Eagles have arrived!"_

I turn to face him.

 _"Order a retreat, Oakenshield is dead."_ I reply calmly.

I glance over to the corpse.

 _"Take the body with you, his head will make a fine trophy"_

 _"Yes sir, what about the she-elf?"_ The commander inquires.

I look back to her, she is still staring at the floor, tears running down her face.

 _"Sir? Shall we bring her with us as well?"_ Asks the commander.

She is unshaken by this comment, she just continues to stare at the floor.

 _"Sir?"_

I kick her to the floor, and raise my blade above my head, she stares at me from the floor, our eyes lock.

I plunge my blade downwards, straight at her.

 _"What she-elf?"_

* * *

 _* Kalus - Black Speech for Archer_

 _** Vok - Black Speech for Dwarf_


	2. Chapter 2 - A stab in the dark

**Chapter 2 – A stab in the dark.**

The retreat has begun, we have suffered a great loss, including my son, Bolg, but I had my revenge on Oakenshield, I cannot decide if it was worth it.

What bothers me more is that I couldn't kill that she-elf, even when confronted by one of my captains, I still spared her, stabbing the ice next to her, thankfully she had the sense to stay down, probably more from grief than from self-preservation.

 _"Sir?"_

 _"Sir?"_

I'm too preoccupied with my own thought to register the commander requesting my attention, the thought of that she-elf…

 _"SIR!"_

The shout snaps me back to my senses, multiple orcs have turned to face me, curious as to the source of shouting.

 _"WHAT IS IT SCUM?!"_ I shout back, he flinches away from me.

 _"Sir, we've been marching for days, where are we headed?"_ The captain inquires, a slight look of fear in his eyes.

 _"We're headed south, back to Dol Guldur."_ I reply, it probably isn't the best idea, but it's the only idea I have, heading back to Mount Gundabad wouldn't be smart, the Goth will want to see me and avoiding him will only make things more painful.

The orcs around me look worried, they know the price of failure, and though Oakenshield is dead, the battle was still lost, though most of these maggots will avoid punishment.

The march south is a long one, Mirkwood is a dangerous place, even for orcs, the spiders may have the same master as us, but their hunger outweighs their loyalty.

All the time we're marching, my mind keeps slipping back to the she-elf, her name is unknown to me, but her face won't leave my mind, there is something about her that I can't describe, there are no words in my language to explain her.

When we arrive in Dol Guldur, the place was empty, our master was gone, which would explain the hostility of the spiders, filthy creatures.

 _"What do we do now?"_ Shouts one of the orcs.

 _"Yeah! Why did we even bother coming here?"_ Shouts another.

 _"Let's leave! Go find some nice land to pillage!"_ Yells another voice from the mob.

I climb up onto a rock, putting myself above the crowd.

 _"SILENCE SCUM! WE'RE STAYING HERE!"_ I bellow, silencing the crowd.

After some muttering a voice shouts out _"AND WHY SHOULD WE DO WHAT YOU SAY? 'DEFILER' "_

The mocking tone of his voice is obvious, and many orcs realise instantly that this was a challenge.

 _"SHOW YOURSELF MAGGOT!"_ I scream out _"SHOW YOURSELF SO I CAN REMOVE YOUR TOUNGE FROM YOUR HEAD!"_

A huge orc steps forward, towering above many others, he is almost as tall as me, he must be close to 9ft tall, taller than Bolg.

Bolg, my son, the thought of my son takes me aback, his death never really dawned on me until now.

The orc continues his advance through the crowd _"I say we head back to Gundabad, instead of staying in this dump!"_

Many orcs rally in agreement, he is right, but I can't back down to him, that would be a show of weakness, and would end up with me dead.

 _"WE'RE STAYING HERE! I'M IN CHARGE HERE!"_

The orc laughs loudly, _"Prove it!"_

I jump down from the rock.

 _"Bring me my arm!"_ I bellow.

A small orc runs up, carrying my blade arm, he pulls out my riding hand, the pain is immense, but I do not flinch, he then inserts my blade arm.

I raise my blade arm, inspecting it, twirling it around slightly, as I run my finger along the blade, I hear the large orc draw his blade.

 _"What's your name scum? So we know the name of our meal tonight!"_

The orcs around us jeer loudly, the large orc is unfazed though.

 _"Shozrigh"_ He replies.

The orcs begin to form a large circle around the two of us.

We begin to circle each other, both waiting for the other to make the first move.

When we reach the opposite side of the circle, Shozrigh looks over my shoulder and nods.

A trap, before I can react, a blade is stuck into my back, I stagger forward, into Shozrigh's blade.

The orcs around us roar, Shozrigh pulls his blade from my stomach and kicks me to the floor.

 _"I'M IN CHARGE NOW YOU SCUM! WE'RE HEADING FOR GUNDABAD!"_ Shozrigh yells.

The orcs shout out in support, and quickly begin to leave the courtyard.

Shozrigh stands above me.

 _"I'm not going to kill you 'defiler'. I'm going to leave you here to die, slowly."_

He chuckles, and turns away, but he changes his mind and turns back to face me.

 _"One last thing before I leave."_

He kneels down next to me, and yanks my arm blade out, the pain is horrific.

Shozrigh stands up and looks at the blade, he laughs mockingly and slowly inserts it into my stomach.

The pain is immense, but I refuse to give him the satisfaction of hearing my pain.

He leaves me in the courtyard, he is the last to leave, and I can hear the rabble slowly moving father and father away.

After a few minutes, I'm left with nothing but the silence of Dol Guldur, it's maddening, made worse by the fact that I know I'll die here.

A few hours pass, or maybe a few days, I have no idea, time doesn't seem to exist in this place, I have blackouts frequently, making time even more difficult to judge.

After one of my blackouts, I wake up to find myself being dragged across the courtyard.

I raise my head to see what is pulling me, expecting to see a spider, but it isn't, it's the elf, the one I didn't kill at the battle.

She looks back and notices my eyes open, I open my mouth to speak but she interrupts me.

"Be silent orc, I'm saving your life."

She drags me around a corner into a small room and props me up against a wall and kneels next to me.

"Do not say a word, do not make a sound, wait until I return."

She looks at me, expecting some sort of acknowledgement, I nod.

She stands up and walks out the room, I don't hear her footsteps as she leaves, but I can hear the sound of elves talking in the distance.

"Is there anything here?"

"Not that I can see, looks like they've left this place."

The world starts to go black as I pass out again.


	3. Chapter 3 – A cut above

Chapter 3 – A cut above.

When I wake up again, the elf is sat in front of me, she is sharpening her blade, and doesn't notice my eyes open.

I start to move slightly, but the pain is unbearable and I grunt in pain.

The elf stops sharpening her blade and looks up at me.

"Ah good, you're awake, don't move, your wounds are pretty bad."

I hate to agree with her but she's correct, I'm lucky to be alive, so for now I'm stuck here with her.

"I'm going to patch up your wounds, ok?"

I nod yes at her.

She stands up and walks over to me, kneeling down next to me, she reaches behind her and pulls a small pack off the back of her belt.

She opens up the pack and inside are some plants.

"This is Athelas, it will help your wounds heal."

She places some of the Athelas over the wound in my stomach and begins to sing in elvish.

I want to scream out in pain, but her voice is magical, it soothes me and I can't help but stare at her.

I don't notice her finish working on patching up my first wound, I'm busy staring at her.

She says something as she opens up the pack again, but I don't hear it.

Not getting a response, she looks at me, and our eyes lock for what feels like an eternity until she looks down again.

"I'm going to put some Athelas on your other wound, ok?"

I open my mouth to respond but I'm lost for words, so I nod again.

She begins her work again, placing the plant onto my wound and singing, and again I'm lost in her voice.

When she finishes, she stands up.

"You'll need a day or so to recover, but you'll live."

She turns to leave, suddenly my mouth works again and acts before I want it to.

"Wait!"

The elf turns back to face me.

"I have another wound, on my back."

I slide away from the wall, showing the dried blood on the wall behind me.

She walks back over to me, and kneels down behind me, repeating the magic once again.

"Why did you heal me?" I ask her.

She stands up.

"Because you spared me, even when I asked you to kill me."

I slide back against the wall.

"If you had wanted me to suffer, you wouldn't have faked my death, you chose to spare me, so I owed you my life."

She walks to the door, but pauses before she leaves.

"Now we're even orc, my debt is paid."

She steps out the door.

"Wait!" I cry

She steps back through the door, looking at me with a puzzled expression.

"What is your name, elf?"

"Tauriel, my name is Tauriel." She replies, and steps silently back through the door.

Tauriel, I think to myself, that's a good name.

More importantly though, I need to get out of here, Tauriel said I need a day to heal, but I don't have a day.

Shozrigh is heading back to Mount Gundabad, and he's got a head start, who knows how many days I've lost.

I slide myself up the wall and onto my feet, though it wasn't a smart idea.

My head starts spinning, the pain in my torso and my arm is intolerable.

I don't move for what feels like hours, just stood there, propping myself up with the wall until I feel strong enough to move.

I stagger over to the door, not straying from the wall, using my good arm to keep myself steady.

Reaching the door, I notice a small fire set up in the courtyard.

I gingerly head towards it, looking around for any signs of an ambush, but after a few steps I feel the dizziness coming back, and I'm a distance away from anything to catch myself on.

I brace myself to hit the floor but it never happens, Tauriel caught me, the puzzled look on my face is obvious.

"I haven't left yet." She says very quickly, much too quickly really.

She lowers me slowly to the floor, I'm impressed with my strength, she doesn't look strong, she's tall but has a very slim figure, she doesn't look like she should be able to hold my weight.

I should be mortified that I was caught by an elf, I should be trying to kill her right now, in fact, she shouldn't even be alive right now to do this!

"What are you doing out here? I told you to rest." Tauriel asks.

I reposition myself so I am sitting upright, next to the fire.

"I, I can't stay here, I need to get back to Gundabad." I reply.

"Why?" She inquires.

"Because…" I pause, why do I need to get back to Gundabad so quickly? Why do I need to hurry back to the orcs who betrayed me?

"I'm not sure…" I mumble.

What is this elf doing to me? Why does staying here with her sound like such a good idea?

"You should stay here for a bit longer, until you can walk at least, you won't last more than a day in Mirkwood, especially in your state." Tauriel says, her words are wise, and the thought of staying here with her makes me feel good inside.

"Ok elf, I mean Tauriel."

Idiot.

She looks quizzically at me.

"I'm not used to referring to elves by name."

"I can't imagine you are." She replies, sitting down next to the fire.

"My name is Az…"

"Azog, the defiler, I know" She interrupts.

"So you know who I am?" I reply.

"Of course I do, everyone at the battle knows who killed Thorin Oakenshield."

This confuses me, if she knew who I was, why did she save me? Surely she should have stuck a blade in me.

"You still saved my life?"

"Yes, more than once technically." She says, taking out her blade and beginning to sharpen it.

"More than once? How?" I ask, looking incredibly confused.

"Well first of all I moved you from the courtyard, before the other elves arrived, that's once, then I patched up your wounds, 3 different wounds I might add, but I'm only counting that as one, so that's twice, plus I'm here now to keep you alive, as you obviously can't take simple instructions."

"But, why?"

"I told you, you spared me, saved my life really, so I owed you one."

"But you've paid me back three."

She looks at me.

"I suppose that's true."

I watch her as she continues to sharpen her sword, this elf vexes me, why would she save my life multiple times? And why don't I want to kill her?


End file.
